My name is Suleyman YILMAZ I was born in Turkey I don’t remember much about my early years only that I lived in a village on the outskirts of a city named Aydın, which is in the west of Turkey, I remember little flashbacks about my life in our village it was mostly running around the streets with bare feet, snotty nosed (my nickname was snotty suley) I had so much snot running down my nose that I used to use my whole sleeve to wipe the snot.
We was not rich however I don’t remember being poor we was comfortable.
Then in 1973 I remember my dad coming and he had this right hand drive Rover car and picking us up (My grandad, my mom and my two older sisters and we emigrated to united Kingdom (ENGLAND) I remember we travelled through Bulgaria, Yugoslavia, Austria, Germany, Belgium and across sea to Dover(United Kingdom).
I was so excited to just get out of that village life with all those stinking, and smelling livestock.
So there I was 6 years old and could not speak a word of English. My dad, mom and my eldest sister used to work all the hours under the sun and my grandad looked after my other sister and me during the day there was times when I did not see my parents till late at night because they were leaving home at 7am and returning back home at 9pm sometimes even late as 11pm, I used to stay awake and run to the door every time it rang he was so tired that he just used to spend an hour the most with me and me falling asleep in his arms.
That went on for years I mean on the weekends I used to wake him up early and my mom was always in the kitchen I mean thinking about it now I don’t know how they managed it.
As I got older I think I was around 8 or 9 years old and my parents taking me to get circumsised (in the Muslim and Jewish religion boy’s had to have a bit of the foreskin chopped off so that the helmet of the penis could be seen I mean up to this day I don’t see why we had to go through all that pain and discomfort just so our tradition was held, it hurt so much weeks after having it done and then a big party was thrown with hundreds of people dancing, and some people drank alcohol and we even had this belly dancer who danced in front of me and I remember dancing with my dad to a very old dance invented by my ancestors where you spread your arms in the air and one step forward two steps back and crouch down and shout oooogghhh.
I remember being a good student in primary school and the teachers pet and my best friend was named Jerry and where ever we went everyone who knew us used to say “here comes Tom(me) and Jerry(my best friend).
So that went on for a good few years and we even went to same secondary school (Bow Boys secondary school).
Thinking about it now I was always rebellious at school, even going in the morning signing the register and then in the first break between classes sneaking over the back wall which was next to the railway line (now it is run by the Docklands Light Railway)and going to a school around the corner called Central foundation for girls and playing with girls who wee in the playground I used to think I was in love with every girl I met lol. and that the girls worshipped me.
THEN I started mixing with the black boys around my area started smoking cigarettes in the toilets and we got caught one day by the deputy headmaster(Mr stickings) that was the first time I felt the six of the best we called coz he would not stop until he whacked us on our backside. However every time the rest of us used to scream ouch aaarrghh this black boy who used to smile every time he got whacked I was thinking O. M. G this boy is tough for taking the beating like a man.
Well years later when we used to laugh about it he told us that he use to put on, extra pants and knew that it would not hurt him as much as it hurt us(I think he did not tell us when we were at school because he knew we all would’ve wore extra clothing and we’ll if we all had thick padding on our backside and no one screams or shouts for mercy when we getting caned the teacher would notice it and then we all would’ve been suspended or whatever.
I wished i stayed at school because now I cant even get a road sweeper job because of no qualifications. My whole teenage years went by just playing truant all the time and chasing girls, I mean my dad used to have to take time of work just so he can come pick me up from police stations all over the UK. I just did not care about education i thought I was getting the best education in life by living life on the fast lane don’t get me wrong i had some super times making money, chasing women, I really thought the world evolved around me and well what a shock i was to get realising i am just another human trying to get on in life this all went like this till I reached 20 and then I had to go back to turkey to do my national service because i am a Turkish citizen with indefinite leave to remain I had to serve my country or 18 months and I even got into a fight with senior officer on my watch for swearing at me and slapping me for not doing what he said. I smashed his glasses when I punched him in the face and got court marshalled and had to pay him compensation for damaging his eye and upper cheek where the glasses smashed and cut him just below the eye.
Then when i was around 4 months before my discharge from the army I got slapped up and down the hall of the general office by the staff sergeant( kurmay bașkanı) all because I forgot to give him the days report on the other officer duties it was my duty to pick up all the statements of how the day went near our border and did not deliver the reports in time for the staff sergeant to report it all to the GENERAL.
I will never forget that beating I received that morning I mean every time he slapped me across the face it was so hard that I fell over every time he hit me however I just got back up and stood to attention and was knocked back down again.
I mean for me the national service was just like something out of the carry on films lol .
I had some great times to we used to go into town on the weekends and visit this big house where there were women working lol YEH you better believe it we even had a police officer at the gate to make sure no one under 18 got in ( it was a brothel).
So 18 months later I left the army returned back to the UK and started working with my family in a clothing factory in Shacklewell lane Dalston London for a few years I learnt how to cut material into various shapes so that the machinist could sew them together to make a complete garment..
I went on like this for a long time, I still was in a gang and let me tell you we used to go and break the law on my lunch times the gang leader used to research on who or where we could make easy money and it was OK for me because I always made it back just after lunch time ended so it looked like I was at work all day.
I started my own business at the age of 25 and wow I was living it up of course with great responsibility comes great perks had my own house awesome car my company car was a B. M. W and my personal car was this Audi quatro it used lift just like a plane I loved life I had everything going for me I had 4 wives(girls friends but I treated them like my wives because I used to spend a couple of days with each of them no kids though I will come to the reason why I never had children a little later when I tell you about how I got onto drugs cocaine, heroin, cannabis alcohol I even had the worst experience on ecstasy tablets it was made by some people I met and that is another story.
I mean after kk6 months in my business I had to liquidate my company because I was spending more money than I was making and getting into debt with my share holders this was in 1990-1991.
That is when I started smoking, pipes, snorting, 1 thing I did not do with drugs was inject into my veins because as I was growing up I saw a lot of homeless people I mean some of these people was famous successful people who did not realise addiction.
I want to thank you for reading this and soon I will start to write about my addiction and how it destroyed my life and others around me who loved me and supported me no matter what I said put them through.
So please if this sounds anything like what you went through well there is a solution.
Please please please keep coming back to this site to read and realise that addiction is a disease (which means that without an spiritual force we are all without ease in out hearts, minds and soul.